World Exclusive: The Real Story Behind Ms May’s Deporation Diary ‘Mis-hap’ Fiasco

Abu Qatada: What A Palava! : Government in “Olympic-standard screw up”, Or Maybe Not…

Ok, the main news story of the past week has been that of the controversial cleric Abu Qatada and his apparently botched deportation to Jordan. The Home Secretary Theresa May has been widely implicated in the alleged muddling of dates which saw Qatada stay another day (or year), with Miss May playing quite the fall guy, or should that be girl, amidst a media furore.

However, let’s step back a moment from this media bombardment and contextualise the situation for a minute….I have my own little theory:

With the Olympics less than 100 days away and with Al-Shabaab and Al-Qaeda threatening to blow London to smithereens if Mr Qatada is deported, the government is desperately trying to avoid trouble. We wouldn’t want the threat, or even worse occurrence, of terrorist activity to tarnish the great festivities that we’ll be spending the rest of the century paying off, and so this whole affair is borne out of a rather sensible strategy:

Brush the Abu Qatada Problem Under The Carpet, So As To Avert Any Sort of Party Pooping Come July 25th And When London Is Centre Stage

A bit of a kick in the teeth to the Tories who made it a key pledge when elected to take a hard line against perceived ‘hate-figures’, David Cameron will no doubt be more than a tad annoyed at the unhelpful timing of the European Court’s decision to finally allow Qatada’s deportation. For, as mentioned, the government is not complacent of the threat posed to our games and will endeavour, as indeed they should, to protect the festivities from attack. Short of a dramatic U-Turn which would no-doubt give away the aforementioned truth behind the new strategy, the Tories have found a typically noble excuse: blame one of the few women in government and a diary mishap.

Personally, I don’t know why on earth he’d want to stay here..oh wait it’s either crappy, rainy North London or ‘justice’ Jordanian style. Tough choice: threat of getting mugged by a group of hooded youths, or certainty of death by a hooded executioner (Jordan, in case you were unsure). Well, it seems London isn’t so bad after all…

So, never mind the Olympics this summer, what I’ll be looking forward to spectating, is how on earth the government tries to ‘run down the clock’. That is, how the government will continue to explain this controversial figure’s continued residence until late September, when the Olympics have passed safe and sound and London’s profile and ego has been given a timely boost. They face an ‘Olympic’ task!

Sorry, that pun was terrible.

To conclude: if they’re resorting to unlikely stories of a certain Mrs May getting the dates wrong in mid-April, just what will the excuse be for this man’s continued presence in the UK come August?


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