The Genius Who Plays the Fool

Boris Johnson has a “cacoethes loquendi”. That translates, from Latin in case you were wondering, as “a bad habit for compulsive talking”.  Clever huh? I’m fluent in Latin you see. Oh wait, I’m lying, but Boris on the other hand really is very good at it: he has a Classics degree from Oxford.

Repetition it seems is a hallmark of this Mayoral election, and Boris is in this case guilty for his frequent but always irrelevant, references to classical mythology.

In the past four years it would be fair to say that Mr Johnson has persevered to actively contradict his admirable intelligence, by playing quite the bumbling fool.  This utterly fake persona has surely been used to win over a foolish young generation who simply “Vote for Boris cos he’s a lad”, regrettably failing to acknowledge the fact that he is in fact a thinly veiled posh-boy.

<Outburst over>

You Should Vote For Him If:

1. –You’re a Selfish Sod Who Would Rather Pay Less Tax (And Watch Public Services Disappear As A Result)- so far he’s bravely pledged to reduce the Mayoral share of council ax by 10%. Simple economics suggests something will have to go.

2.-You Wish To Become Homeless-as London faces a housing crisis poor old Boris hasn’t yet heard it would seem. “55 000 new houses” as part of a “true Olympics legacy”. Well by 2031 it’s calculated we’ll need an extra 750 000…

3.-You Enjoy Topping Up Your Oyster Card – for despite his best efforts to deride Ken’s appealing fare cuts, Boris himself seems a little quiet on the issue. Telling perhaps is the distinct absence of the key issue of fares, from his “Nine Point Plan.” Woops. Or maybe he’s simply trying to avoid the issue so that he’ll get re-elected and continue to make PUBLIC transport UNAFFORDABLE.

4.-You Like Trees, But Not On The Same Level As Mr Paddick – credit where credit’s due BoJo. It might only be a fraction (1%) to be precise of Mr Paddick’s 2 million tree figure, but to be fair, out of all your policies it seems the most realistic. And boring.

5.-You Want “A Better Deal From Number 10” – surely this core selling point is flawed. What’s the point of this election if we should only vote for the candidate from the ruling party? Democratic? No.

Awkward Memory:

I could literally go on for ever. Seriously. Mr Johnson’s got a more chequered past than most: affairs, countless un-politically correct outbursts, and most recently a rather ugly and seemingly unprovoked tirade of foul language when being interviewed for BBC London.

However, perhaps most damning, was his referral a few years ago to his £250 000 a year salary from the Daily Telegraph, as mere “chicken feed”. Insensitive in the context of a recession it would seem…


Much to my personal dismay, I fear that Boris might just pip this one and I fear London will have to endure this irritating individual’s façade of idiocy for another four years. Convinced by the frankly unconvincing Conservative argument for the need for austerity, and as a knee jerk reaction to vote for Boris simply because he’s a funny guy, I fear that he might yet perform a remarkable feat. Despite his own party’s miserable polling stats of late, Boris will take this one to the wire, and I admit it: that’s impressive.


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